I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
