someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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