The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
