I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
