This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
