So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
