Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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