I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He did a backflip because drugs
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
