Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
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Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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