Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
