I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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