yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
