I want to make a zoo with you.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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