I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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