Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
