I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Vodka?
Forever.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
