I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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