Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
