And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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