i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize