Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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