WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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