Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
