I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
