sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
