Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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