that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Randomize
