Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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