Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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