This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
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He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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