you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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