She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
