so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They took my balls.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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