so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
