gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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