i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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