Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
