No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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