Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have aggressive nipples.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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