No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I would fuck him just for his dog
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
