At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
