just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
