k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
