If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
