i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
