nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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