we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
