I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
