So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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