I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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