I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Randomize