I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...