Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move