I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
