Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.