I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "