Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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