Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
