don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
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How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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