I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize